to be free of you

ph: Kate Pulley

I can't quite remember your face anymore. But the mention of your name would still conjure up a feeling I can't quite express.To be honest, I did once think that you could be the one. But you certainly didn't mean it when you said you loved me. Nor did you mean it when you laid down with me. Was I just another one of your many virgin conquests or was I just another pit stop in that unlovable life of yours? Wait, hold. I don't want to know. You are not of my concern anymore.

Frankly, I don't feel for you anymore. I don't love you. I've moved on an am happy with my man. Yet, I still need an outlet to let my feelings go. I need to tell the world what I could not do anywhere else. I need to let go of a secret that has tied me to you. I don't need sympathy, I just don't want to keep quiet anymore. I want to be free of this burden. I want to be free of you.

Ladies and gentlemen please be my witness as I confess myself. Yes, I once did give up my pride and hang on to a relationship that could never work. You were selfish and arrogant but I was pregnant. It was your doing . You knew it. Yet all you could say was, "You don't have to keep it". Yes, you were a cruel man. I have no other way to go. My mother was under depression and you knew that at that moment that you were my all, but you deserted me. You had an affair while I was aborting my child. Yes, I aborted my child. I was a sinner and I was a fool. Dear lord, forgive me.

It took me long enough to heal, but today Mr. J, I am a woman with more pride and success than you could ever pin down on me. I am in love again and I shall no longer bear this burden. Ever. I don't know and I don't want to know anything about you anymore. You can live that selfish life of yours and lie to the world about what a bitch I was. You can wear a mask and fool the world. From this moment on, I am set free of the truth. I will no longer have to lie. I am whole again. I have loved ones to warm my life and a man that is faithful and loves me for all that I am.

I am loved and I shall love.