i'm a mess

ph: David Sigfridsson

I’m a mess. A total mess because I’m in love with this man.

I’m at his place now, sitting on his sofa listening to Journey, his favorite band. He just drank his morning coffee and left for work. I was still in bed, but got up as soon as he locked the front door, because I couldn’t sleep.

I can never sleep nowadays. I can’t sleep or think or breathe or eat and it’s all because of him. He has got into my brain and my heart and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s been like this for a few months now and I’m trying to get used to it because I know it won’t stop until he’s mine. Or until he says he doesn’t want me and I’ll have to make a desperate try moving forward.

He’s that kind of man who lives on his own in a nice apartment downtown. He talks a lot, sings like some kind of god and got nothing in his refrigerator but soda, jam and two eggs in a box. His hair is curly and his eyes have got some indefinite gray-green color which I’m getting totally lost in every time he looks at me. Also, his smell is like a drug and, obviously, I’m totally obsessed with him.

The thing is he’s not interested in being in a relationship right now. He jokes and says it isn’t season for that at the moment. He hasn’t gotten over his ex, even though it’s been over a year since they broke up. And some days he’s got other girls coming over, sleeping over, just for fun I guess.

This is making me jealous. I’ve never before in my eighteen year old life been jealous. But then, I’ve never felt like this for anyone before neither. This man is different, and he is making me crazy. He is making me a mess, a total mess, and I will wait for him. Even if it’ll break me.