i'm not afraid to lead with my heart

ph: yokolorin

I don't remember the exact moment when I went from liking you, to loving you. I don't even think it was while we were still dating. I think it was after, after we'd been apart.

I think not dating while so many miles apart has advanced our relationship more than we ever expected, and the fact that it has without our pushing for it- is inspiring.

(I pushed, secretly, I kept pushing for it).

But I do remember when I went from loving you, to that ridiculous, head over heels, heart physically aches, what so many artists sing about, writers scribble about, kind of love. The kind of love that makes me cry and want to watch The Notebook or listen to I Swear by Boys 2 Men over and over and over. I remember, because it was a week ago.

And quite frankly, it shocked me. There was this energy, running through my whole body, that just made me want you, all of you. I couldn't deny it, or hide from it. I let it wash over me. I missed you, and you were about five feet from me.

But with it, came the greatest fear I've ever known.

I know you love me, but I know you haven't made it to that place- that kind of love, yet.

I'm afraid you won't. I'm afraid your too concerned with not doing the wrong things, that you will end up missing the chance to do the right things. I'm afraid you are waiting for a sign that isn't going to come. I'm afraid you won't ever take a chance on me.

For me, this is easy. I'm not afraid to lead with my heart. I'm not afraid to show my emotions, to be honest, to be vulnerable. True love deserves that.

This is a risk. I want to take it with you. I just wish you'd want to take it with me.


It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does?
-Peter McWilliams

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xo