i’m sorry

ph: weheartit

I am a true believer that the love between girl friends is something to be cherished, and never to be taken for granted. I’ve developed these beliefs because a year ago I lost two of the most wonderful friends anyone could have asked for. I completely, one hundred percent, took them for granted.

I’ve been through a lot in the past year; my first real apartment, job loss, a break up, and a move 1,300 miles away from my home of twenty-two years. These are the kind of things that are supposed to be discussed over a bottle of wine, or two, with your best girl friends. I laugh, cried, and celebrated alone. Most of my tears were shed not for the losses of a job or a boyfriend but for the loss of friendship.

You see I made some mistakes a year ago and instead of owning up to them, I denied everything. I tried to scheme my way out in the hopes of it all being forgotten in a few weeks time. Like high school drama… there one day, gone the next. Except this wasn’t high school; it was drama that I had brought onto myself. My friends called me out on my bullshit, with what were probably the best intentions, and instead of owning my mistakes I accused my friends of lying. They weren’t. Not even a little bit.

My denial, lies, and selfishness caused me to lose two people who I had considered family. They were done with my crap, and they had every right. Hell, if I were my friend, I’d have done the same thing. I am completely willing to admit (now) that I was the one in the wrong. I will forever regret the choices that I made.

I hope you see this, AB and JB. I know that the damage is done, and I’m okay with that. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I will always be sorry.

Alyssa